Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
