Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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