I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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