AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
