when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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