im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
