apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
