Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
