I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
