Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
