Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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