how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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