when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
