I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
