you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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