Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
