um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
