Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
