I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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