So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
