Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
