My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
