Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When are your genitals available?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
