party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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