Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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