Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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