I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I party with great urgency now.
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