i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
