I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
