oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
