Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
