Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
