my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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