all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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