Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
