Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
that's an acceptable place to lick
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
