Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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