mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
