I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
