I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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