so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
