Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
