I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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