just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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