Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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