why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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