capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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