Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
