saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
