I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
