what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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