Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
