Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
