Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
