MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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