The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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