I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
