Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize