It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Text me some of your sweat
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize