I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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