I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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