Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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