this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
