my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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