Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
