I feel like abortions should bother me more
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
