I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
