it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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