wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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