I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
