life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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