dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I party with great urgency now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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