Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
