I need help removing her.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
