So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
