And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
