the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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